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Alison's Luvs and Hates

I've always wanted to do one of those wacky lists they have about what a celebrity just "Luvs" and what they can't stand - "Turn ons - turn offs", "what's in - what's out", that sort of nonsense. I presume many of these are made up by publicists and don't accurately reflect what the celebrity in question actually likes or dislikes at all. This one will be more useful to the truly obsessive-compulsive fan, who simply MUST know how I feel about snow globes, since it will be written by me. Oh boy!

Things, places, people and stuff in general that Alison totally loves and cannot imagine a world without:

Snow Globes!!! (Ah but you knew that didn't you? The smaller and cheaper the better. I especially like tacky ones from places where it DOESN'T ACTUALLY SNOW, making the whole scene with the falling plastic flakes really odd.)

Chocolate! Garlic! Pizza! Sushi! (All of them! At the same time even!)

Kitties! (Yes, I like doggies too. But I live with kitties.)

Bubble baths! (I know, I usually take showers. That's what makes these a "special occasion".)

Pedicures! (Even when they insist on painting a stupid flower on my big toe.)

Cows! (I'm not even sure why. But if it's black and white and moos, I think it's cute.)

Big fluffy terry cloth bathrobes. (Cotton terry, not the artificial ones that get all "scratchy")

Betty Boop, Bettie Page, Bette Midler, and Bette Davis. (And pretty much in that order. No, I don't know why I love so many people named "Betty".)

Andrew Vachss ("Dead and Gone", 'Strega", "Everybody Pays", etc. But that's just the books, which hardly even begin to explain it. Oh hell, just go to the website, OK?)

Milan Kundera ("Incredible Lightness of Being", "The Book of Laughter and Forgetting")

Eddie Izzard, Margaret Cho, Wendy Liebman, George Carlin (Can you say "stream of consciousness"?)

Sylvester Stallone (I think he's fabulous, but may he be forbidden to ever make another "sequel" to anything. Just because one is good, does not mean two - or III, or IV, is better. And speaking of math, right about now, shouldn't he be starting to look kind of the way he did at the end of "F.I.S.T."? Someone please tell him, there are many of us who would find this far preferable to the "artificially enhanced" look he's currently sporting. Like the movies, less is more, babe.)

Other guys I also think are cute: Brendan Fraser, Orlando Bloom, and David Bowie (Yeah, I've got really weird taste in men. Wanna make something of it?)

The late Jim Varney: ("Ernest - Scared Stupid" etc. Really. Sit down and watch one of these all the way through. It'll grow on you.)

Melissa Gilbert (Yup. Loved her then, love her now. So you can stop asking me if I-really-hate-her-and-did-I-vote-for-"Rhoda", already. Sheeesh. It was a TV show, people.)

France (No matter what they say! They don't really all hate us, even if their food is better than ours.)

Montreal (kinda like France but closer)

Music: David Bowie (again), Deborah Harry, The Violent Femmes, Meredith Brooks, The Cramps, The Clash, Roy Orbison, Gene Vincent and yeah, yeah, Catahoula.

Stuff that makes Alison gag:

Red meat (I still eat chicken, turkey and all fishies. I'm not with the "vegan police" or anything; I just really can't digest the stuff. And I don't even like to think about all that cholesterol.)

Avocados: (We had an avocado tree in the yard when I was a kid. Do you even know how many ways you can serve avocados? Unfortunately, I do. Blech.)

Tapioca pudding - (Who thought of this?)

Plastic surgery: (Can't anybody just leave themselves alone anymore? None of it ever looks real and the fake boobs can actually kill you. I pray for the day this fad ends.)

Piercing: (And speaking of horrible fads....OUCH! I didn't get my ears pierced till I was 21 and I almost passed out then. Count me as one of the people who WON'T be setting off metal detectors at airports.)

Tattoos: (Although the entire attraction escapes me, I find small, non-obnoxious tattoos somewhat bearable, on other people. But get the hell away from me with that needle!)

"boy bands" - The last decent fake band was "The Monkees". It's been downhill from there.

Plastic slip covers on furniture, (or the truly frightening: an ENTIRE ROOM full of furniture that no one ever goes in. They keep saying is for "special occasions" or "company". Is this to ensure some sort of surgically sterile environment? Just whom are they expecting to arrive? Have they even called?)

The willfully ignorant (Hey if you don't know something, it's OK, just look it up. But if you're going to go around braying that the earth is flat, please leave me alone.)

Child molesters - (OK, you say, "Well that's obvious, what next, you don't like Hitler?")

People who tolerate child molesters and child abuse in general as being "Just one of those things" - (I always want to know, one of WHAT things??? I mean really, would you say, "Oh everybody knows Uncle Harry's an axe murder, but we just don't talk it. It's just his way.")

Oh yeah, and Hitler. (The entire "racial purity" thing is totally lost on me. Is anyone actually "pure" anything? Would anyone want to be? Don't small populations when they breed only among their own kind, start having kids with too many toes and not enough chromosomes?)

Shop lifters (And the latest craze - social acceptability of such. Huh? I mean, it's not your stuff, right? It belongs to someone else. When did this become OK? I'm not talking about stealing the old loaf of bread, cause you're starving, I'm talking Prada. Like you need any of that crap in the first place.)

Over Priced Designer Clothes (I'm not totally anti-fashion, there are some lovely things out there. Some of them are even worth a fairly large amount of money. But get real. A lot of this stuff is absolute crap that cost ten cents to make and doesn't even look good on.)

Greed as a lifestyle (quite popular now isn't it?)

Any temperature over 82 degrees. (No central air on "the prairie", you know.)

Cigarettes (Great. Not only are they addictive and give you cancer, they barely count as an actual "high". Pretty sad when you think about it.)

Cocaine, heroin, crystal, (all the powered drugs and the incredibly annoying people who do them.)